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[EL]

But anyway, it's so hard to change partners in love!  

Und das hab ich auch nicht verstanden - wie meinst du das? Inwiefern ver(?)ändern?

I mean separating. When it's "friend with sex" - it's easy, but if it touch deeply, it's becoming the problem for me. Which way do you solve this problem, or it not appears for you?   

[Kallisti]

EL - du missverstehst mich da glaub ich (immer noch ) - also: für mich is "Freundschaft mit Sex" nix Anderes als (eine Form von) Beziehung (mit Sex oder ohne). Also: nicht "ohne Gefühle" oder "just for fun" oder weil man grad einfach jemanden (oder jemandes Körper) konsumieren will oder notgeil is ...


Klar is Trennung meistens "schwierig" ... irgendwie ...     

Ich hab da auch keine "Lösung" für. Da spielt ja immer auch einfach soooo viel Eigenes, Persönliches mit rein ...     

[EL]

  You choose someone and someone chooses you. How often it does not coincide!

  I have one friend, really it is friend because we can talk about every topic! He's very similar at me with character, feelings, life views, we like almost the same music, the same styles in art. I feel something related to him. He is almost ten years younger than I am, he's married, has two children. But... During a half of year every morning I have received nice messages from him how much he loves me and how much he miss me. It seems a little bit strangely, because I have seen him just once in my life. Sure, it has a sexual hint.
  Is it really enough for so big sexually fantasy? How long it could remain? 
  Am I have to support this "platonic" love or should I stop that? 
It's the fruitless feeling but it so pleasant to know someone loves you! The first my move at the morning - I extend my hand to the phone for reading an sms! I wait them!  If I imagine this man disappeared, I think, I will be sad. 
  Sometimes I feel shame I'm using him. Am I lying? No! I like him! 

  One say you love not the person, but his love to you and manifestations of this love. Is it true?

  I would be grateful if you share your expirience or give your opinion.   

EL.

[Gypsy]

I guess Kallisti won't answer you, since her account is gone.

May I answer you?

My best (male) friend was in love with me for nearly 4 years. I am pretty sure he still loves me, somehow. He was always a friend for me, we tried multiple times to get closer but... welll... something in me just stops me when I is getting serious. Don't know why. Maybe don't wanna hurt his feelings? Because everything (sex, kisses, even hugs) are meaning so much more for him than for me?
Our relationship went better when he found a girlfriend. He's really loving her, they're a perfect match and so on. She is/was a friend of mine, she knew his feelings for me and my blockade, so she didn't mind at all. He still has some deeper feelings. Sometimes you can tell when he looks at me... there is some longing and sadness... anyway, we remain just friends. There was a time when I thought he lost his passion for me and I felt somehow left alone.

Isn't it strange? Missing feelings you will never pay back? Someone told me "when you're loved, somehow you will love back". I think he was right. And you have to admit being loved flatters!

Most women feel somehow insecure. Not worthy enough being loved. Being loved means safety to us.

[Kenaz]

Isn't it strange? Missing feelings you will never pay back?

- Die Erklärung für diesen "seltsamen" Umstand erscheint mir ebenso wie banal wie unromantisch: Gekränkte Eitelkeit. - Das Ego fühlt sich schließlich nicht zu knapp gebauchpinselt, wenn sich einer da Ewigkeiten an einem abarbeitet. Und Selbstbestätigung ist nun mal etwas, was den meisten lieb und teuer ist. Was deutlich zeigt, dass es zumeist - die Ausnahmen bestätigen auch hier die Regel - um das liebe Selbst und mitnichten um den anderen geht.

Someone told me "when you're loved, somehow you will love back". I think he was right.

- Sorry, wenn ich da am frühen Morgen so ernüchternd dazwischengrätsche, aber das halte ich für romantischen Schwachfug von rosamunde-pilcheresken Gnaden: die Beispiele für das Gegenteil sind Legion.

Ach ja, und @EL:

Diese beiden Sätze hier ...

He is almost ten years younger than I am, he's married, has two children.

It seems a little bit strangely, because I have seen him just once in my life.

... sollten als Antwort auf diese Frage ...

Am I have to support this "platonic" love or should I stop that?

.... eigentlich vollkommen ausreichend sein. Meinst Du nicht auch?

[RaoulDuke]

Diese beiden Sätze hier ...

He is almost ten years younger than I am, he's married, has two children.

It seems a little bit strangely, because I have seen him just once in my life.

... sollten als Antwort auf diese Frage ...

Am I have to support this "platonic" love or should I stop that?

.... eigentlich vollkommen ausreichend sein. Meinst Du nicht auch?

Einspruch, Euer Ehren, denn

a) The question if you have to or should stop that cannot be answered by anyone except yourself - ant the respective aswer depends on your concept of morality. For example, the answer for me would be to only stop if I see the person harming himself, for example by his thoughts negatively interfering with his family life. In such a situation, I would become responsible for his well-being by being able avoid a situation bad for him (and a few months ago, I even had to act according to these words). But if it that is not the case, what is wrong about being the erotic fantasy of someone, or even being loved?

b) Age is nothing but a number they say, and who should disagree? Attraction is something between two people, and what society expects simply does not matter. And isn't having seen each other only once something that can fuel the desire, as we so often want what we just can not get or can not get easily? Our thoughts and fantasies are not being verified by reality too soon... Amplifying whatever happens when they finally are.

[Kenaz]

@ Raoul

Du kannst Dich ruhig der deutschen Sprache bedienen, wenn Du Dich explizit an mich richtest, Raoul. Dass EL des Deutschen mächtig ist, wissen wir, sonst könnte sie sich gar nicht an den Diskussionen hier beteiligen.

Zur Sache: Es ist vollkommen richtig, dass das eine Frage der moralischen Standards ist, die man hat oder eben nicht hat. Deshalb habe ich meine Antwort genau so und nicht anders formuliert: Ich finde, die Frage ist von EL dermaßen zweifelnd formuliert, dass ich den deutlichen Eindruck habe, dass hier eine Kollision mit moralischen Wertbegriffen vorprogrammiert ist. Und dass ein solches Verhältnis, wenn es denn intensiviert wird, in jedem Fall einen destruktiven Einfluss auf die familiären Strukturen des jungen Mannes haben wird, dürfte wohl einigermaßen unbestritten sein. Klar, hier wäre jetzt noch mal interessant, ob er nur noch auf dem Papier verheiratet ist, meinetwegen sogar schion getrennt von seiner Frau und seinen Kindern lebt - dann läge der Fall freilich anders. Wenn allerdings nicht - und davon gehe ich aus -, dann kann nur demjenigen geraten werden weiterzumachen, der ohnehin ausschließlich sich selbst der Nächste ist und auf das Wohl und Wehe der Familie, die an das Objekt seiner Begierde angeschlossen ist, pfeift. - So schätze ich EL aber nicht ein.

Und das mit dem Alter ist geschenkt, da bin ich völlig bei Dir - mir ging es um die Kombination Familienleben vs. virtuelle Schwärmerei. Und von nichts anderem kann man ernsthaft sprechen, wenn man sich nur einmal im Leben zu Gesicht bekommen hat.

[VII]

Also zum Punkt: Ich möchte wissen, was/wie "Liebe" für euch ist - eure Definition von Liebe. ?

Nicht auf die Liebe als solches zu schauen. Das ist kein Event, welches ständig abgefeiert werden muss,
sondern der Grund warum du dich um einen anderen Menschen sorgst, obwohl du nicht einmal weißt warum.

Liebe ist der Augenblick, indem sie dich küsst, und du dich fragst was sie mit so einem Idioten will.

Liebe ist die Kraft die, egal wie hart der Schlag war, dich niemals zu Boden gehen lässt.

Liebe lässt dich weitermachen, obwohl du doch gestern schon aufgeben wolltest.

[Niandri]

Liebe ist die Kraft die, egal wie hart der Schlag war, dich niemals zu Boden gehen lässt.

Ist aber nicht genau ein Schlag von der Person, die man liebt, der, der einem am meisten wehtut/verletzt? Selbst wenn es unbeabsichigt war....

[messie]

Ach, ich formuliere das mal anders:

Liebe ist das, das dir genau dann passiert, wenn's dir grade überhaupt nicht in den Kram passt.

 

[EL]

My best (male) friend was in love with me for nearly 4 years. I am pretty sure he still loves me, somehow. He was always a friend for me, we tried multiple times to get closer but... welll... something in me just stops me when I is getting serious. Don't know why. Maybe don't wanna hurt his feelings? Because everything (sex, kisses, even hugs) are meaning so much more for him than for me?
..... There was a time when I thought he lost his passion for me and I felt somehow left alone.

Isn't it strange? Missing feelings you will never pay back? Someone told me "when you're loved, somehow you will love back". I think he was right. And you have to admit being loved flatters!

Most women feel somehow insecure. Not worthy enough being loved. Being loved means safety to us.

If I good understand, You let your friend to love you during 4 years for several reasons:
a) you don't wanna hurt his feelings - I think you liked him a little bit, otherwise you would say him sooner what exactly did you feel.
b) you tried to love, but it didn't work - Sure, there was something what made you blocked (Maybe some character traits, an appearance or even odor... it could be anything!) 
c) for a feeling of safety  - About a feeling of safety, ..which of the safety do you mean? Love at itself can bring just emotional safety, a person in love will never hurt you, I think.  Or generally, do you think about full in love men, as a refuge of hard life? Women are pragmatics! Women are females, who have to provide good future for her posterity. Do you think about such feeling of safety?
I guess, you just waited for a man, who will do you love?
d) because it was flatters -  hmm...  you should get used to love yourself primarily!

What does more important to you: to be loved or to love?
To my mind more pleasant and more dangerous when you love somebody, isn't it? 

 Es ist vollkommen richtig, dass das eine Frage der moralischen Standards ist, die man hat oder eben nicht hat. Deshalb habe ich meine Antwort genau so und nicht anders formuliert: Ich finde, die Frage ist von EL dermaßen zweifelnd formuliert, dass ich den deutlichen Eindruck habe, dass hier eine Kollision mit moralischen Wertbegriffen vorprogrammiert ist...

...Und das mit dem Alter ist geschenkt, da bin ich völlig bei Dir - mir ging es um die Kombination Familienleben vs. virtuelle Schwärmerei. Und von nichts anderem kann man ernsthaft sprechen, wenn man sich nur einmal im Leben zu Gesicht bekommen hat.

I understand your point of view, you are on the side of family as an indivisible unit. But you admit some combination... ( if I good understand.. ) It's right, but for a stability function of family there are several aspects, which have to be:
a) love
b) the same interests and aims
c) coincidence of characters, more-less coincidence of sexual desires.
d) diplomacy, ability of negotiation and mutual desire to extinguish conflicts.

How mach are such families, where one of partners began to realize that he/she made a mistake, but It's too later to do something (small lovely children!). It's classic! It's very good, when partners can good understand each other and try to go towards. What about interests of person, if he/she can't actualize his/her sexually fantasy in the family borders?

a) It's better don't admit yourself in that! You have to forget yourself, sacrifice yourselves to family life,  to trample your sexuality, more better to consider to some religion ( if you don't happy on this world, will be happy after died! or will be happy with 40  virgins etc..)...or to dive with your ears to work.
b) Next variant - to be quiet prickteaser (sorry) whole life in a corner in front of a porn-screen, with a head, full of fantasy.
c) Or.. one day you'll try to realize your fantasy with somebody else...   

The question if you have to or should stop that cannot be answered by anyone except yourself - ant the respective answer depends on your concept of morality....

What is the morality? and what have to be morality?
Love (+ sex inside this concept) and morality are incompatible in their essence, they have nothing to do!
You can to tell I'm mixing concepts of Sex and Love, don't thinks that.
I think the love principally lays on the sexuality (I don't mean the love to World, to God or to children)... Hallo, Mr. Freud? Where are you? 

Raoul, I think I would hurt him, if I stop our relations absolutely. If the person fall in love, he wants that subconsciously, I know it from myself!
It's mean he need to love, he wants that!  So, I'm not a moral person, I let the love to swim...   

It seems a little bit strangely, because I have seen him just once in my life.

... sollten als Antwort auf diese Frage ...

I my case It really one nice stormy meeting  and long virtual talking....

...what is wrong about being the erotic fantasy of someone, or even being loved?

Nothing is wrong!   

... And isn't having seen each other only once something that can fuel the desire, as we so often want what we just can not get or can not get easily? Our thoughts and fantasies are not being verified by reality too soon... Amplifying whatever happens when they finally are.

Oh!  A hunter says within you! 

[RaoulDuke]

[Beitrag wieder weg, löste mir ein etwas arg negatives Echo aus und mißverständlich fand ich ihn auch.]

[RaoulDuke]

Ach, ich formuliere das mal anders:

Liebe ist das, das dir genau dann passiert, wenn's dir grade überhaupt nicht in den Kram passt.

 

*g* Warum sind nicht alle Dinge, die mir permanent zu passieren scheinen, wenn es mir überhaupt nicht in den Kram passt, so toll?

[EL]

Ach, ich formuliere das mal anders:

Liebe ist das, das dir genau dann passiert, wenn's dir grade überhaupt nicht in den Kram passt.

 

*g* Warum sind nicht alle Dinge, die mir permanent zu passieren scheinen, wenn es mir überhaupt nicht in den Kram passt, so toll?

Really, your the most intimate feelings are usually hidden.
The love is something, what you don't want to share even in the virtual space, isn't it? 

[EL]

[Beitrag wieder weg, löste mir ein etwas arg negatives Echo aus und mißverständlich fand ich ihn auch.]

It's so pity, I just wanted answer you!    There was nothing for to be ashamed, it just needed more detailed response.